I love my family. Like, seriously love them so much. And celebrations are one of the things we do best. Celebrating things like birthdays, new babies, rain, Gerber daisies, fall leaves and Georgia Football. I think you get the picture. Over the years we’ve lost three of our family favorites, and I remember wondering if I’d ever feel like celebrating again. Maybe that’s you right now, if you’re missing someone you love this Mother’s Day.
Here are a couple ideas I hope will help someone who is struggling right now.
Recognize the Reality
Losing my mom, aka “Beazy,” was one of the hardest roads our family has ever walked. She was the glue that held our crazy puzzle together, with her over-the-top gift of hospitality. Living her best life included welcoming strangers, taking home-cooked meals to friends and creating fun t-shirts with the grand kids at “Camp Beazy.” Mom’s grand kid camp tradition is still going strong- 20 years later!
I wish I could tell you I navigated the tough season of grief with perfect skill and grace; but my temptation was actually to run as far as I could from the pain. Can anybody relate? You may have discovered a few things that anesthetize the pain (for a minute) ~ meds, mac and cheese, maybe margaritas? Too bad that comfort can’t last!
The one thing that did make a difference was setting aside time to get away from technology and other distractions and be still. As I rested in solitude, I’d try to allow the waves of sorrow to wash over me, rather than running from the pain. Those moments were never easy, but always seemed to bring
Remember and Celebrate the Goodness
Back to Beazy. She was honestly no ordinary mom. Even when a kindergarten brother, who shall remain nameless (you know who you are) carved, “I LOVE MOMY” with his tiny scissors- on her mahogany dining table, she found a way to keep on loving the little criminal angel.
There was nothing you could ever do to change her crazy gigantic love for you. No matter what. To her, people were more important than things. Always.
I want to be more like that when I grow up.
If you’re missing someone this Mother’s Day, remember their story is much too important to be forgotten. I encourage you to keep memories fresh by 1) saying her name and 2) telling and re-telling her story. Reaching out on social media is an excellent way to invite friends and family to share a photo or memory- maybe even one you’ve never seen or heard before!
It was an honor to join the phenomenal Colleen Kavanaugh on The After Life Podcast to discuss how to handle special days while grieving. Hope you’ll give it a listen.
Does your family have special traditions for celebrating an awesome person you’re missing? Please share them with us on the Grief Survivor Facebook page.
