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Summer 2020 More than You Can Handle

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In an extreme trial, have you ever thought, “This wasn’t supposed to happen to me”? Maybe it was a scary diagnosis, the loss of a relationship or the shocking global pandemic that’s left you feeling overwhelmed and alone. You may have noticed adversity feels a lot like grief, and grief can feel like more than we can handle.

Here some compelling thoughts about 2020- shared on Instagram by Nashville author and That Sounds Fun podcasts host, Annie F. Downs.


“This year requires perseverance from us in ways I’ve never experienced before. It’s one thing to muscle through a hard season when you know the ending date or when you have some control. It’s quite another just to KEEP GOING, in pain or loss or frustration, with no end in sight.

I feel it in almost every area of my life. I wonder if you do too? I feel emotional fatique into my bones. I’m tired. I’m tired of not going to church and I’m tired of not meeting new people at social events and being careful about who I hug. I miss cheering at sporting events and traveling and busy restaurants and shows at the Ryman. I miss everything before this.

For sure I could list for you gifts of this season, and how God has been kind and all. I’m grateful for all the ways my life is priviledged, but also can’t we just allow each other to grieve what 2020 has stolen…? Because I’m tired and sad and mad at the whole thing. Can’t both be true? The best and the worst. The joy and the grieving

My tank of perseverance was running really low last week. I was fresh out of ‘WE CAN DO THIS, FRIENDS,’ and I didn’t know how to get it back. But this weekend helped. A run on the beach helped. Taylor Swift’s new album helped. The dance floor and meaningful conversations at a small wedding helped. Flying above the clouds helped.

And truth helps. Romans 5 doesn’t lie- our sufferings produce perseverance in us. And when we hang in there, it builds our character. And then, hope. All this matters for our souls. And knowing that helps. Because if anything is unprecedented, I’m banking on unprecedented hope on the other side of this, for me and for you.”

I love how Annie (who is one of the most optimistic humans ever)recognizes the sorrow as well as the blessing many of us are experiencing right now. I love how she reminds us of the truth from Romans 5:4. I’m praying and believing the hope on the other side of this chapter will be way more than we could ask or imagine.

My prayer for you is that even in these extra difficult days, you’ll begin to find hope and joy.

Here’s the link for my newest YouVersion Plan It’s called More than You Can Handle. The plan offers 5 days of devotionals, encouraging scripture references, and is super user-friendly. Grief Survivor was my first YouVersion creation. It was written for anyone who is grieving the loss of a loved one. I hope one of these plans will help you know you are not alone.

We invite you to stop by the Grief Survivor Facebook Page. Your stories of love, loss, life and finding joy inspire the rest of us more than you know! We’re all in this together.

*Phenomenal cliff climber photo credit: our fierce son-in-law, Nick Lewis!

Where is Everybody?!

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Losing a part of your life puzzle is always hard. Losing someone during a global pandemic~ indescribable. 

Remember the days when people would show up for you in person? Help you plan a beautiful service to celebrate your loved one’s life? Bring meals? Wrap you up in a warm blanket of care after a painful loss? Me too. 

This crazy world of quarantines, social distancing and Covid-19 has brought monstrous changes to life, relationships, work, school, graduations, celebrations and how we mourn those we love. The new (and hopefully temporary!) normal has been a challenge for people across the globe, but especially for those who are grieving.

Here are a few thoughts and resources that might be helpful today and in the days ahead.

1. Spend the first moments of your day with the Lord. If you’re new to reading the bible, the YouVersion app is an outstanding resource. This Grief Survivor 8 day plan might be a comforting place to start.

Find a cozy spot away from distractions and the noise of life, switch your phone to airplane mode and bask in a few moments of solitude. Reading God’s word early in the morning, journaling what’s on your heart and spending a few moments in prayer can calm anxious thoughts and set a peaceful tone for your day. Enjoy the quiet… (until you switch your phone back from airplane mode).

2. Check in with others. During this unprecedented time of life disruption and quarantine, it’s more important then ever to see faces and hear voices of people you care about. When meeting in person is impossible, Zoom or FaceTime virtual visits can be the next best thing. Consider exchanging memorable stories and photos of your loved one through social media, text or email. Better yet, why not send each other a handwritten note along with a favorite photo? Pure Gold!

3. Check out one of my very favorite sites- Nothing is Wasted. Davey Blackburn and his team have created an extraordinary podcast and content designed to help you “find purpose through the pain.” Their new online community groups are helping people around the world connect with others who truly understand.

This podcast episode is all about finding hope and healing through preserving sweet memories.

“Part of healing is just being open to the fact that it will not always be this hard.”- well I think I might have said that!

My prayer for you today is that you will find hope, healing and ultimately joy-filled life.

Mother’s Day- Remembering the Goodness

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I love my family. Like, seriously love them so much. And celebrations are one of the things we do best. Celebrating things like birthdays, new babies, rain, Gerber daisies, fall leaves and Georgia Football. I think you get the picture. Over the years we’ve lost three of our family favorites, and I remember wondering if I’d ever feel like celebrating again. Maybe that’s you right now, if you’re missing someone you love this Mother’s Day.

Here are a couple ideas I hope will help someone who is struggling right now.

Recognize the Reality

Losing my mom, aka “Beazy,” was one of the hardest roads our family has ever walked. She was the glue that held our crazy puzzle together, with her over-the-top gift of hospitality. Living her best life included welcoming strangers, taking home-cooked meals to friends and creating fun t-shirts with the grand kids at “Camp Beazy.” Mom’s grand kid camp tradition is still going strong- 20 years later!

I wish I could tell you I navigated the tough season of grief with perfect skill and grace; but my temptation was actually to run as far as I could from the pain. Can anybody relate? You may have discovered a few things that anesthetize the pain (for a minute) ~  meds, mac and cheese, maybe margaritas? Too bad that comfort can’t last! 

The one thing that did make a difference was setting aside time to get away from technology and other distractions and be still. As I rested in solitude, I’d try to allow the waves of sorrow to wash over me, rather than running from the pain. Those moments were never easy, but always seemed to bring

Remember and Celebrate the Goodness    

Back to Beazy. She was honestly no ordinary mom. Even when a kindergarten brother, who shall remain nameless (you know who you are) carved, “I LOVE MOMY” with his tiny scissors- on her mahogany dining table, she found a way to keep on loving the little criminal angel.

There was nothing you could ever do to change her crazy gigantic love for you. No matter what. To her, people were more important than things. Always.

I want to be more like that when I grow up.

If you’re missing someone this Mother’s Day, remember their story is much too important to be forgotten. I encourage you to keep memories fresh by 1) saying her name and 2) telling and re-telling her story. Reaching out on social media is an excellent way to invite friends and family to share a photo or memory- maybe even one you’ve never seen or heard before!

It was an honor to join the phenomenal Colleen Kavanaugh on The After Life Podcast to discuss how to handle special days while grieving. Hope you’ll give it a listen. 

Does your family have special traditions for celebrating an awesome person you’re missing? Please share them with us on the Grief Survivor Facebook page.

Feel like Fast Forwarding Through Mother’s Day?

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Have you ever wished you had a huge remote and could fast-forward through something? A tedious conversation, or maybe the perky dental hygienist with a terrifying tray of metal weapons? I have.

Mother’s Day isn’t supposed to be on that list, is it? For anyone missing your mother this year, or maybe you’re a mom missing your beloved child, you know what I’m talking about. It’s inescapable — hourly reminders of happy moms and children everywhere you turn. If you’re considering pulling the percale sheets over your head and waking up the Monday after all the celebrations, you’re not alone.

I remember the first Mother’s Day after losing my mom. It was impossible to imagine the day without her in the picture. It’s been a few years now and the intense emotion has faded, but not without a few tears along the way. Here are a few thoughts that might help you navigate the season.

  • Make a plan. Don’t let the day sneak up on you. Tell someone close how you’re feeling, and ask for help planning a strategy of where you want to be, and how you plan to spend your day.
  • Buy yourself a gift. Whether it’s a gorgeous flower arrangement or a trip to Tahiti, know that it’s okay to do something kind for yourself. Your loved one would be honored to know you’re smiling.
  • Say what you need to say. Getting thoughts out on to paper is one of the best gifts you can give yourself. Write a letter to the person you’re missing. Thank them for the difference they made in your life. Talk about the things they left you-not tangible gifts, but things more like your sense of humor, musical ability, or even unconditional love. Gifts of the heart can never be taken away from you.

If you’re a mom grieving a child this Mother’s Day, I know of some very kind people who understand- The Compassionate Friends. https://www.compassionatefriends.org/

If your mom and your children are still close by, don’t forget to tell them how much you love them! You’ll never regret it.

Happy Healthy Caregiver Podcast!

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Hey awesome friends-

So this was cool. Here is the podcast I got to record with my friend, and host of the Happy Healthy Caregiver Podcast, Elizabeth Miller.

We talked about fun families, crazy New Year’s traditions, life, loss and sparking joy… even when life is tough. Elizabeth is a pure delight- hope you’ll enjoy our conversation!

(photo cred: Austin Distel, Unsplash) thank you!

Missing in Action

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Did you know that after losing someone you love, it can take fourteen days for life to get back to normal?… for everybody but you!

If you have lost a loved one, you may know what I’m talking about.In the beginning maybe you were overwhelmed by calls, flowers, meals, family and noise. But now, your world is quiet. And the silence can be deafening. As people return to the chaos of their lives, it’s easy to feel as though you’ve slipped under the radar. Where did everybody go?

Here are 6 things I wish I’d known about grief:

6) Just because you aren’t getting calls and cards every day doesn’t mean people have forgotten about you.

5) Putting on a big smile and pretending everything’s OK, when it’s really not will keep you stuck.

4) Even though some close friends may seem missing in action- sometimes unexpected people show up to help.

3) Hanging out with inspiring or funny people = good medicine; with no crummy side effects.

2) Mindless movies can be great therapy.

1) You are stronger than you think you are. You will survive this.

Would you like to connect with some amazing people who understand? Open to Hope  is a phenomenal website – full of fresh Grief Relief TV, Radio and articles from people who have loved and lost; and are embracing life again.

Got a few moments?  Join me with Open to Hope founders Dr. Gloria and Dr. Heidi Horsley as we talk about getting unstuck from grief.

What do you wish someone had told you? Please share your thoughts on the Grief Survivor facebook page.