lizgmarshall

Maybe you are one of the extraordinary people who knows exactly what to do and say when someone’s world has been shaken by tragedy. I am grateful for you! For the other 99% of us, reaching out when a friend is hurting can feel awkward and uncomfortable! If you’re like me, you probably fear you’ll say or do the wrong thing.

During my family’s deepest times of loss, there were a couple ideas that made a giant impact. Here are my top two:

1) Show up. My dear friend Leslie has a unique ability to show up at the exact moment you need to feel the love. Rather than saying, “call if you need anything,” she’ll let you know, “your dinner is in the oven. Would you like it tonight or tomorrow night?”

I love how she doesn’t casually drop the ball in your court during a traumatic time when you really don’t know what you need. No, she shows up! Leslie brings something yummy, then hugs you around the neck. Her kindness speaks louder than 1000 words, letting you know you’re not conquering this giant by yourself.

2) Reach out. The Lord has a phenomenal way of giving us a holy nudge when we need it. Act on it! Reaching out doesn’t have to be extravagant – a text, call or card to let a friend know they haven’t been forgotten will always arrive at the perfect time.

And, when there are no words. “What do friends do? They show up. They share the pain; and they shut up. They don’t give pious platitudes. They don’t give advice. They don’t try to talk a friend out of his pain. They don’t say, ‘it’s going to be OK.’ They just say, ‘We’re going to sit here with you. We’re going to be here for you. We’re going to hurt with you.’” ~ Pastor Rick Warren

This article has more practical ideas for helping a grieving friend. Also, consider passing this link to your friend. The Grief Survivor 8 day reading plan will encourage them to write, reflect and remember priceless stories about their loved one.

Did you know that after losing someone you love, it can take fourteen days for life to get back to normal?… for everybody but you!

If you have lost a loved one, you may know what I’m talking about.In the beginning maybe you were overwhelmed by calls, flowers, meals, family and noise. But now, your world is quiet. And the silence can be deafening. As people return to the chaos of their lives, it’s easy to feel as though you’ve slipped under the radar. Where did everybody go?

Here are 6 things I wish I’d known about grief:

6) Just because you aren’t getting calls and cards every day doesn’t mean people have forgotten about you.

5) Putting on a big smile and pretending everything’s OK, when it’s really not will keep you stuck.

4) Even though some close friends may seem missing in action- sometimes unexpected people show up to help.

3) Hanging out with inspiring or funny people = good medicine; with no crummy side effects.

2) Mindless movies can be great therapy.

1) You are stronger than you think you are. You will survive this.

Would you like to connect with some amazing people who understand? Open to Hope  is a phenomenal website – full of fresh Grief Relief TV, Radio and articles from people who have loved and lost; and are embracing life again.

Got a few moments?  Join me with Open to Hope founders Dr. Gloria and Dr. Heidi Horsley as we talk about getting unstuck from grief.

What do you wish someone had told you? Please share your thoughts on the Grief Survivor facebook page.

Has life ever thrown you a monstrous curve ball? Yep, me too. 

Today I want to share a few of my favorite things- a book, podcasts, apps, even some inspiration for care givers. I pray they will remind you to do something kind for yourself today and every day!  

Here you go: 

It’s Not Supposed to Be This Way: Finding Unexpected Strength When Disappointments Leave You Shattered. New York Times Best Selling Author, Lysa TerKeurst has been through some seriously devastating things; but somehow infuses the raw realities of life with humor and hope for the future. You don’t want to miss this book! 

The YouVersion app is a wonderful place to start (or continue) a daily rhythm of intimacy with God. This easy-to-use resource includes the Bible App,  the Bible App for Kids and a phenomenal collection of topical reading plans that will meet you exactly where you are. 

Whether you’re facing grief, anxiety, divorce, caring for a family member, you name it- the YouVersion app probably has something for you. 

Happy Healthy Caregiver podcast, blog and online community.  Elizabeth Miller has been a compassionate care giver for several years. Her creative content and naturally winsome attitude through it all will help you navigate care giving with life! 

That Sounds Fun podcast– with host Annie F Downs. Y’all- sometimes you just need to laugh. It’s always a joy to hear from Annie’s diverse, brilliant, musical, talented and funny friends from Nashville and all over the country. She ends every show with the question, “what sounds fun to you?”  and encourages her listeners to go out and do something fun. Note to self: do that a lot in 2020. Annie reminds me of the timeless words from Nehemiah 8:10, “The joy of the Lord is your strength!” 

And a new personal favorite of mine- The Bible Recap podcast. Host, Tara-Leigh Cobble and her team have put together an extraordinary daily (8 minute) message to go along with the YouVersion chronological Bible reading plan. TLC’s words are clear, concise and compelling- all pointing the listener to understand, “He’s (Jesus) where the joy is! 

Well, that’s it for the 2020 fave five list. Happy 2020!

Beth

We invite you to stop by the Grief Survivor Facebook Page. Your stories of love, loss, life and finding joy inspire the rest of us more than you know! 

If someone’s missing from the picture this holiday season, you’re probably wondering how in the world you’re going to make it through to January. You are not alone. It was just weeks before Thanksgiving the year my mom suddenly died; and a couple years later, my dad went to be with the Lord on December 9th. The holidays seemed like a really bad idea those years.

Here are a few things I wish I had known about grief through the holidays:

* Martha Stewart doesn’t live here. Give yourself permission to bring it all [cooking, decorating, entertaining, Christmas cards, whatever] down a notch. Do what you love and feel up to doing.

* Say the name of the person you’re missing, so friends and family will, too. Sharing sweet memories can be great therapy.

* Take time time everyday to rest. A little time in a dark room to sleep, write, cry… whatever you need to do, is refreshing.

* The Lord really is close to the brokenhearted- and will rescue us when our spirits are crushed. (Psalm 34:18) If you’re feeling overwhelmed by grief right now, asking someone to pray is a great idea.

* Get together with those closest to you to make a plan for where you want to be on the holiday. Don’t let the day sneak up on you.

* There’s no need to apologize if you need to leave an event early. I’m not saying I ever did this… but parking an escape care where you can get out easily might be helpful. 🙂

* If reminiscing and sharing stories about your loved one makes you laugh or cry, both are really OK.

* You are stronger than you think you are.

What do you wish someone had told you? Please share your ideas here!

The music, yummy aromas and shimmering lights all conjure up memories of the most wonderful time of the year. But when you’re missing someone you love, the holidays can magnify the deep loss you’re feeling. 

When my family lost a couple of our closest and favorite people – different years, but both within days of the holidays, “merry and bright” felt 1000 miles in the rear view mirror. Maybe you understand what I’m talking about.  

So, how do you not only make it through the holidays, but create some sweet moments to savor?  Hopefully these three quick tips will help: 

Keep it Simple

Imagine November and December without a manic pace of cooking, decorating, entertaining, shopping and endless events. You can make it happen, but it might take a little rethinking what you’ve always done and embracing a little extra white space on your calendar. 

If cooking, house guests or shopping spark joy for you, by all means do those things. But if there’s part of your holiday routine that multiplies the madness, give yourself permission to stop the insanity! 

Schedule intentional evenings at home by the fire sipping a warm beverage with your closest people. Say yes to the activities you love, and no to the rest. Being kind to yourself can create a sense of calm, even during a chaotic season. 

Keep Your Sanity

Spend more time with people and doing things that energize you- and less with any that  suck the living daylights out of  exhaust you.  

Keep it Fresh

Write the good stuff in a journal. Record sweet, serious or fun stories of the person you’re missing. 

Stories like the day my hilarious sister-in-law, Kay offered me the keys to her  metallic purple dune buggy- to drive to high school! Clearly 7 of the coolest hours of my life!.  

And the time she (black belt in shopping and all things NYC) led a girl trip to The City for 2 days of Hard Rock Cafe, Broadway, Carmines and of course full contact shopping! Good thing no boys were invited on Kay’s girl trip. NY shopping would have felt like fishing with the game warden. 🙂 

This holiday season I hope you’ll find time to: 

* create a place to keep memories, photos and recipes. 

* cook up one of those yummy recipes, grab a warm beverage and curl up by the fire.

* tell, retell and celebrate the stories of the person you’re missing. They’re much too important to be forgotten! 

Here’s a super helpful article – 64 Tips for Coping with Grief at the Holidays from our friends at What’s Your Grief. 

We invite you to visit the Grief Survivor Facebook page- and share some of your holiday tips.  

Photo cred: Dilyara-garifullina on Unsplash